Too often, we see parenting as two opposite sides: parent on one and child on the other. So we have power struggles, as each person struggles to come out on top, make their point, and win the argument.
But parenting isn't simply doling out punishment or getting our kids to obey every word.
Instead, discipline is teaching. We're teaching kids how to behave better, cope with difficult situations and regulate their emotions. Everything we do should be done with the idea that parent and child are on the same side—helping them learn what they need to learn in childhood.
In Same Side Discipline, I share the lessons that debunk common parenting myths, and the practical steps you can actually implement that very same day and see real results. You'll get a toolbox of things you can do when those power struggles happen (because they will!).
And most importantly, you'll learn the mindset shifts on your role as a parent, and how nailing that down is crucial to building a lasting, strong relationship with your child.
We tend to fear or shy away from things that are hard. Makes sense—after all, who wants to spend their days with challenge after challenge?
But what if we start looking at these power struggles as teachable moments we can learn from?
You see, power struggles are inevitable. It's our kids' way of forging their own path, developing independence, autonomy and their sense of self apart from us.
Still, they sure do make for tough days. And if there's one thing about parenting you can't do, it's to give up. This isn't a diet or a hobby or a job you can just up and quit when it gets hard.
But instead of getting angry or telling our kids to "just stop it already," we can unearth some pretty valuable lessons. Both you and your child can learn how to better communicate with one another. You can develop stronger listening skills and empathy, while your child can expand his own toolkit on how to better respond when he's upset.
That's why typical parenting techniques doesn't sit well with me—things like spanking, time outs, counting to three. Not only are they ineffective, they also don't allow parents or kids to grow or learn anything valuable from the experience. I wanted to connect with my kids rather than fuel the power struggles we'd been going through.
I was also tired of losing my temper or resorting to raising my voice just to get them to listen. It might work from time to time, but it sure wasn't a loving or sustainable way to keep going.
So I found my answers in several new techniques, all which boiled down to not seeing our role as a step above our kids, but on the same side as theirs.
Now, this isn't to say we're trying to be their "friend." We maintain the same authority and knowledge as their parents, but it does mean helping them manage their behavior all while deepening our relationships. It's a win-win: they learn to behave and manage their emotions, all while knowing we love them no matter what.
And while the tantrums decreased after I implemented these techniques, I'm also reminded that the goal isn't to suppress tantrums or to coerce our kids to obey. Tantrums, meltdowns, and bad days will happen—even to us as adults. Instead, the goal is to equip them (and us) with the coping methods to know what to do the next time it happens.
And it starts now—in childhood. This is, after all, the "practice" stage where the stakes aren't too high to learn these lessons. The power struggles you're going through now, no matter how challenging, can be the perfect place to discover valuable skills your child can learn.
That's why, at Same Side Discipline, I'm sharing the techniques that will help you turn power struggles into those teachable moments.
What if you were able to radically decrease the power struggles between you and your child, and deepen the relationship you have instead? How would life be different when you can start noticing a difference in both you and your child?
I know just how challenging it can be to handle your child's behavior and feel like you have no idea what you're doing. When every day seems like you're just waiting for bedtime to happen already, exhausted from the power struggles.
Believe me, I know how you feel!
Hi, I'm Nina—author, blogger, and fellow mom to three boys who has gone through the same struggles as you. In fact, eight years ago I started my blog, Sleeping Should Be Easy, to record all the lessons I'd been learning as a mom. That blog now reaches well over a quarter of a million readers every month, where I share my best tips on parenting and family life.
But back then, I felt like I couldn't really relate to anyone, assuming no one else could've had the same kinds of struggles I did as a mom. I'm normally a calm person—to see me lose my patience did not feel good to me or my kids.
I know what it's like to feel depleted after every tantrum, to "switch" to angry mode the minute the kids push our buttons. The anger almost felt like a charge that was determined to erupt, no matter how much I tried to contain it. I dreaded the parts of the day that would trigger yet another power struggle, and I guiltily stopped looking forward to spending time with my kids, and instead preferred the time away from them.
So you can imagine why I had to dive head in and apply the parenting techniques that would turn things around. The steps that would allow me to enjoy parenthood, learn how to discipline intentionally, and focus on connecting with my kids.
The coolest thing was... it worked. The right tips and advice was like having a voice nudging me toward patience, and vastly improved the way my kids behaved.
Because I was parenting from a calm and connected place, I was able to guide my kids and use the challenges as teachable moments for my kids as well as for me. While parenting is a never-ending lesson (aka I'll still lose my cool), I now feel more confident and better equipped to be the mom my kids need me to be.
In the program, I'll share the most effective parenting techniques I've learned, as well as provide you with a community of supportive parents to encourage you along. It really IS possible to calm the waters in your home, and at Same Side Discipline, I'll help you do just that.
My friend, constant power struggles are no way to live your life.
Yes, they're inevitable, but taken too far, you run the risk of dreading the time you spend with your child than actually enjoying or learning from it. You might assume you're stuck, that this is simply the way life is, and that there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm here to show you that parenthood doesn't have to be hard—life truly can be enjoyable, even for busy parents.
I hope you'll join us and make the changes you've been meaning to make with one of the most important aspects of your life—being a parent. This is the program that will equip you with the tools you need to better manage those power struggles.
WEEK 1: VISION
We'll start the program by defining the vision you want for your relationship with your child.
WEEK 2: IDENTITY
What kind of parent are you truly being, deep down, and how do you see your child? Learn how the stories you tell yourself about you and your child impact who you are being.
WEEK 3: GROWTH
As much as we'd like to think parenting is about changing our kids, it's more about how we ourselves grow and mature as parents.
WEEK 4: CONTROL
You can't control anyone but yourself. Learn why trying to mold your child one way or another backfires, and how it's better to focus on yourself.
WEEK 5: REACTION
Do you react too quickly to your child's behavior? Learn how to respond without taking things too personally.
WEEK 6: EMPATHY
Melt your child's defenses and show you understand her point of view.
WEEK 7: RESPECT
Your relationship with your child is a two-way street. Learn how to nurture one with mutual respect.
WEEK 8: LOVE
The hardest part of being a parent is showing unconditional love. Discover how to show your commitment to loving your child (and what that really means) while still providing the boundaries he needs.
8 LIVE WEEKLY CALLS
8 HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS
24/7 ACCESS TO A PRIVATE FACEBOOK GROUP
FACEBOOK LIVE VIDEO TRAININGS AND Q&A
IN-DEPTH ACCESS TO THE INSTRUCTOR
Ever wish you could find help and support from like-minded parents? Get advice, tips and encouragement not only from the lessons but from other members of the program, too!
When you join Same Side Discipline, you'll be invited into a supportive parenting community in our private Facebook group.
Discuss the lessons, share wins, vent struggles and bounce ideas off of one another. Build connections with other parents going through similar situations to feel more confident and better equipped in parenthood!
WHAT IS SAME SIDE DISCIPLINE?
Same Side Discipline is an 8-week online parenting program where you'll discover parenting techniques that will turn power struggles with your child into teachable moments for the both of you.
I named the program "Same Side Discipline" because I truly believe that in order to solve power struggles, we need to rethink of ourselves as being on the same side as our kids, instead of being on opposite sides.
WHO IS THE PROGRAM FOR?
While its core principles apply to parenting any child's age, Same Side Discipline benefits parents of toddlers through the early elementary years, particularly those who are interested in parenting and behavior issues with their children.
Even more specifically, we're going to tackle power struggles with our kids—those moments when we lose our tempers and when every day feels like yet another battle with them.
HOW IS THE PROGRAM DIFFERENT FROM THE BLOG?
They're quite different! The blog is a quick look into common parenting topics, while Same Side Discipline dives deep into parenting tactics too lengthy to cover in any one article.
Same Side Discipline deals specifically with power struggles, and offers a refreshing new way to think about the role you play as a parent.
Plus, you have instant access to me and your fellow parents for questions and support.
DO I HAVE TO BE "PRESENT" FOR THE LESSONS?
You will get the most out of the program—and see results you want—if you attend the live weekly coaching calls, do the homework, and participate in the Facebook group.
DO I NEED TO BE ON FACEBOOK TO JOIN THE PROGRAM?
No, the private Facebook group is a bonus for you to connect with other parents.
WHEN DOES THE PROGRAM START?
The first lesson will begin on Tuesday, August 7.
Take a step back and ask yourself what it would mean if you implemented the tips and advice found in the program. Imagine...
Learning how to discipline on the same side as your child can be the turning point you've been looking for—the change that can make life feel full and enjoyable once more.